Another excellently written piece from NRPax
So we’re in the grip of Pride Month and frankly, I’ve been treating it with a bit of annoyance. Sorry but being bombarded every day with rainbow imagery courtesy of a group of people who want to be treated like everyone else but call you a bigot if you do just that wears one down. So I got to thinking about all of this. Why are the other deadly sins getting ignored? Shouldn’t they get equal time? Are we not supposed to be inclusive and embrace all lifestyles? Therefore, I came up with ways to celebrate the other sins during the year.
Wrath: OK, this one right here should be up front. We got a lot to be angry about and we’re not going to take it any longer. Wrath parades will include throwing politicians into a bonfire, road rage cases will be forgiven, and people will be venting in a healthy manner. The color of choice will be plaid because that pisses off the right people.
Lust: Yeah, yeah; Pride Month covers that. But I say that we cisheteronormativepatriarchalcolonial people reclaim this word! Not just lust for the opposite gender (But that’s appropriate) but money or power. Let’s focus it in a positive way and enjoy life. Red would be a good color of choice. The parades for that are probably not going to be kid safe so the pudding people will have to stay home. And politicians get thrown into a bonfire just so they don’t get too uppity.
Envy: This is the month for college students to wail about their debts for their worthless degrees, people who chose certain lifestyles to bitterly despise those who were successful and…OK, OK. Those people celebrate that all year. Can’t think of a good parade but politicians still get thrown into bonfires. Green is the color of choice so let’s have that month in March since we have St. Patrick’s Day as well.
Gluttony: A month of eating and drinking. What could go wrong? Don’t really need a parade for this but multiple food and drink festivals would be the norm. Outdoor cooking fires would be burning constantly but we might not want to throw politicians into those. It would make the food taste a bit off. And for the whole month, businesses or individuals that feed the hungry get steep tax breaks. Black would be the best color for this since the sheer mess being made would make it a problem for other colors.
Greed: This one is being held in April because that’s tax month. In addition to throwing politicians on the fire, we’re adding IRS employees too. The greed we’re focusing on is people wanting to hold onto more of their hard earned money. Every color is going to be appropriate because all the colors must be mine!! I expect this to be a really popular month.
Sloth: Oh yes, this will be another popular one. Rest and relaxation is how this whole month can be summed up. Yes, work has to be done and that will continue but no one will be denied sleep nor made to feel bad because some cause is being ignored. Politicians generally like this month because most folks are going to be too lazy to throw them into bonfires but that will change really quick when they push for asinine laws. I also expect good deals from mattress companies. Too much effort to think of a color so use your imagination.
So there you have it. All the vices get a month in the sun, we have fewer politicians and life will be a bit more peaceful.
